Come live in my heart and pay no rent ~手越祐也♥♥♥
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008
emoooooooooo
(this could be pms talking)
went online much later than usual today. spent most of the day keeping house--cleaning, cooking for my pets, doing the laundry, ironing clothes (w/c i still have to finish), washing the dishes...even though i'm lousy at it. it's already midmorning and i really ought to be sleeping (esp when i have to go to school again later. i always need to mentally prepare myself for that). in fact i really don't wanna post right now. i didn't have to. but i feel the need to, it's been a while since my last entry. something is telling me to do it. if i didn't, my OC-ness would bug me endlessly and i would end up sleeping waaaaay later even after i had laid in bed, just staring at the darkness, scolding myself. and since i'm too weak, i always end up giving in =_=
it's been--what--3 hours that i've been repeatedly listening to my own voice singing to as one's songs. haha~ here i go again. i sometimes think i'm too full of myself LOL but i really love this duo. currently inlove with 'white love story' (maybe bcoz of 'coffee prince'). anyways, the message is quite touching...i hope i'll be able to feel this way someday:
White Love Story - As One
I didn’t know at first why your gaze, looking at me made me feel so flustered I always wanted to ask if you understood just a little of my feelings although I never told you
Now I know, how you were as lost and wandering as I was How you hurt so much, it kept you from sleep Hold my hand, I won’t let go of you again I love you, as long as I breathe…
Things stood still when you, who’d always treated me coldly, smiled at me that day
Now I know, how you were as lost and wandering as I was How you hurt so much, it kept you from sleep Hold my hand, don’t let go of me I love you, till the day I close my eyes in rest
I won’t cry Now that you’re by my side Thank you… for giving me the gift of you ~~~
(kyaa~ why am i so sappy lately?)
a lot has happened since i last updated. the last time i was preparing for a practical exam. it came and left me not just physically drained, but disappointed as well. in the end i was heading home with this empty feeling. sitting there in the jeep staring blankly ahead while my mind was so full of regret and weariness, not to mention my heart weirdly feels heavy that i felt like crying then and there, if only i was alone, but i wasn't so i held my tears. when i arrived in pit-os i suddenly had the craving for something indulging. so i went to the bakeshop and bought ice cream, eating it in my room. i was feeling selfish and didn't want to share with anybody. i just wanted to drown how shitty i was feeling inside by eating everything from the plastic container. i was full to the point where i felt like throwing up and crying at the same time, just like in the movies where some girl is going through a bad break-up...
yet i still keep coming back. not that i have a choice. the prospect of going to that environment is nauseating and scary every time. and it doesn't help that i feel like i'm not going anywhere, if anything i'm getting worse every other time. if i had my way, i'd never come back. just run away from everything, like i always do. but i have learned that my problems won't go away even if i keep on avoiding it. it just keeps getting more complicated the more i try not to face it. it gets bigger and bigger, taking the form of a horrible monster that comes and torments me in my dreams. i am very tired. i wanna cry. i want it to stop. but it's still going on. i dunno when the nightmares will go away. they won't disappear, not when i keep on running away. i am the biggest coward. i am ashamed of how i handle things. i may seem okay on the outside but i am drowning, miserable. i feel like my life is going to an unknown direction, like any time i'd just crash bcoz i can't see ahead of me.
i'm so sick of avoiding everyone. maybe this is why i like this alternate world i'm living in so much. the world where everything's fine, i'm always happy with all of these ordinary highs, w/c in the real world don't really offer me a solid support whenever things don't turn out the way i want them to be. i'm sick of telling ppl i'm okay, that everything's fine and dandy, that nothing's the matter...bcoz they're all lies, bcoz the truth is i'm scared, scared as hell...
i don't wanna do this anymore. but knowing me, i'll still keep at it, until i feel it drowning me again. such a vicious cycle. i need help, but i don't wanna say it, don't wanna ask for it. just a silent cry of someone who's slowly dying inside TT_TT
random: gwen just had kittens 3 days ago! unfortunately only one of the three is male.
手越祐也の彼女@3:49 AM
Welcome
you have stumbled upon my blog~ the chocoholic's refuge
feel free to wander around...
shout-outs are much appreciated :)
and one more thing,
this is my blog
if you don't like what you see
then GET LOST!
why are you here anyways?
>NewS 大好き!!!
>johnny depp
>tegoshi yuya ♥♥♥♥♥
>テゴマス最高!!!
>purple and green
>chocolates, coffee, cheese
>kpop, jpop, cpop, opm classics, oldies
>dramas/series
>horror flicks
>great danes, rottweilers, yorkies, dachshunds, schnauzers
>halloween & christmas
>eeyore & doraemon
>noona songs
>potatoes & buttered toast
>miniatures
>paper & pens
>susan baker tea
>my lola's leche flan
>sleep overs
>ice cream sandwiches
>tumblers & coasters
>pistachios
>purin
>okonomiyaki
>road trips
>picture books
>paisley & velvet
>candied fruits
>old wives' tales
>mang ambo by larry alcala
>pugad baboy by pmjr
>te-no-ma-shi
>jwebs
>RyoTego
>NewS' Never Ending Wonderful Story dvd
>G3-my partners in crime!
Hates
>worms, maggots, caterpillars, etc.
>rainy days and mondays
>math
>cigarette smoke
>fishbones
>frying fish
>household chores
>my sensitive nose -_-
>waiting
>traffic
>two-faced ppl
>spicy food
>clutter
>being pressured
>crappy service
>shopping
>crowded places
>directions
>too much drama
>sad endings
>monthly periods
>backlogging
>chain letters
>exclusivity and all that shit
>backbiters and rumor-mongers
>being binbou -_-
>my full name
>multi-tasking
>arguments
>my brother XP
>delusional fangirls
>unwanted admirers/suitors/textmates (GRRRR!)
>Tegoshi and RyoTego haters
>blondes
>rumors/tabloids
Wishlist
>'MEMOIRS' philippine release
>TegoMass concert dvd
>a Coraline doll
>harry potter and the deathly hallows
>a series of unfortunate events (complete)
>more neil gaiman books
>the adventures of tin-tin
>my own dika
>new celphone
>jenga and twister games
>revel bars!!! *drools*
>body shop's olive oil
>maltese or yorkie
>electronic dictionary
>the nightmare before christmas merchandise
>JE merchandise
>okaneeeeee~
>lose weight overnight
>mole under left eye
>learn how to play violin/cello
>learn how to bake
>bungee jump
>vacation to japan, thailand, korea
>go to a NewS concert
>my own tegoshi yuya XD
>more ryotego fics
>tegoshi singing nino's niji
>watch:
-itteQ-tegoshi eps
-massu's 'musashi'
-pi's 'byakkotai'
-ie ga tooi-news epi
-kei's high school musical
-kei's 'nurse aoi'
-kisarazu cat's eye
-princess d
+ the nightmare before christmas + harry potter + romeo and juliet + city of angels + now and then + moulin rouge + chocolat + from hell + the neverending story + the labyrinth + a walk to remember + the chocolate factory (willy wonka and charlie versions) + the secret garden + snow white: a tale of terror + great expectations + don juan de marco + napoleon dynamite + sleepover + sleepy hollow + centerstage + the sisterhood of the travelling pants + tuck everlasting + what a girl wants + casper + bourne identity + ocean's eleven + mr. bean + the abyss + deep blue sea + ghost ship + titanic + jurassic park (1,2&3) + resident evil (1,2&3) + the land of the dead + the dawn of the dead + ella enchanted + shrek (1,2&3) + face off + con air + the x-files + coach carter + time machine + the land before time + mulan + hocus pocus + interview with a vampire + practical magic + princess diaries + miss congeniality + queen of the damned + romeo must die + the others + thumbelina + ever after + breakfast at tiffany's + gone with the wind + west side story + bridget joneses diary (1&2) + brokedown palace + darkness falls + valentine + the exorcism of emily rose + witches + the count of monte cristo + shakespeare in love + love actually + the man in the iron mask + four weddings and a funeral + the island of dr. moreau + narnia: the lion, the with, and the wardrobe + the cube + the mummy (1&2) + identity + beetlejuice + frequency + phenomenon + the guru + stardust + pursuit of happyness + stardust + coraline + the lake house + the sorcerer's apprentice +
+ the twins effect + the death curse + hero + the house of flying daggers + crouching tiger, hidden dragon + the curse of the golden flower + infernal affairs (1,2&3) + my sassy girl + il mare + the classic + a millionaire's first love + kawi + koma + the uninvited + vacation (dbsk) + 200 pounds beauty + jenny&juno + one missed call (1,2&3) + the phone + the eye + a tale of two sisters + nana + death note1&2 + six + shutter + lovely complex + kanojo to no tadashii asobikata + chinese odyssey + protege de la rose noire + house of fury + spy dad + diva ah-hey + chinese tall story + new police story + 6AM + ab-normal beauty + battle royale + wishing stairs + the red shoes + shissou/dead run + one missed call 2 + attack on the pin-up boys (suju's movie) + cinderella ni naritai + boys love + kurosagi the movie + calling you + L change the world + koizora + crows zero + cyborg girl + tada, kimi wo aishiteru + 4bia/phobia + phobia 2 + coming soon + liar game: the final stage +
BOOKS
+ harry potter (j.k. rowling) + series of unfortunate events (lemony snickett) + stories of eva luna (isabel allende) + daddy long legs (jean webster) + behind the attic wall (sylvia cassedy) + how stella got her groove back (terry mcmillan) + pet sematary (stephen king) + stardust & coraline (neil gaiman) + robert fulghum books + roald dahl + frances hodgson burnett + grimm brothers + hans christian andersen + memeoirs of a teenage amnesia (gabrielle zevin +)
BOOB TUBE
+ csi las vegas + criminal minds + gilmore girls + supernatural + house m.d. + oprah + will and grace + extreme makeover (home edition) + charmed + joan of arcadia + dark angel + tru calling + angel + monk + the pretender + moonlight + i survived a japanese game show +
<3DRAMAS
+ beautiful days + love letter + winter sonata + my name is kim sam soon + my sassy girl chun-hyang + sweet 18 + meteor garden1&2 + dbsk's banjun drama + full house + goong + hana yori dango + bad family + nobuta wo produce + proposal daisakusen + kurosagi + my boss my hero + dragon zakura + hana yori dango2 + 1 litre of tears + 1 litre of tears sp + gachi baka + papa to musume no nanokakan + hanazakari no kimitachi e + himitsu no hanazono + tsubasa no oreta tenshitachi - season 1 + tsubasa no oreta tenshitachi - season 2 + tantei gakuen Q + liar game + shabake + sore wa totsuzen, arashi no you ni + sugata sanshirou + yukan club + deru toko demashou + lost time life (kei's episode) + waraeru koi wa shitakunai + anego + kakure karakuri + car radio ga owareba + last friends + absolute boyfriend + what's up, fox? + binbou danshi + 14 sai no haha + code blue + ryusei no kizuna + atashinchi no danshi + koishite akuma + buzzer beat + guests of room zero (koyama's & shige's episodes) + orthros no inu + you're beautiful + hidarime tantei eye + troubleman + sunao ni narenakute + loss time life + hyoten +
ANIME
+ fushigi yuugi + master of mosquiton + monster rancher + doraemon + fruits basket + trigun + sugar sugar rune + alice academy + cardcaptor sakura + time quest + ranma 1/2 + lovecom + gravitation + black blood brothers + ouran high host club + yamato nadeshiko shichi henge (the wallflower) + howl's moving castle + spirited away + kimi ni todoke +
UNFAITHFUL
+ chad michael murray + vincent kartheiser + jensen ackles + wentworth miller + james franco + sean faris + joseph fiennes + ewan mcgregor + ethan hawke + drew fuller + christopher gorham + channing tatum + liam aiken + topher grace + dhani lennevald + brad renfro + ralph fiennes + nicolas cage + jason statham + hugh jackman + diego luna + adam garcia + david duchovny + enrique iglesias + will estes + colin firth + dougray scott + antonio sabato jr. + alex o'loughlin + luke grimes +
++ jang woohyuk (h.o.t.) + micky yoochun (dbsk) + kim junghoon + jo insung + lee sangwoo + lee junki + kim jihoon + im joohwan + brian joo (ftts) + tablo (epik high) + t.o.p. (big bang) + attack (trax) + jin taehwa (battle) + kim dongwan (shinhwa) + park jinwoo + kim hyeseong + hyunbin + jang geunseok + wonbin (f.t island) + jung yonghwa (cnblue)
+++ tegoshi yuya + shun oguri + hongo kanata + news + kenichi matsuyama + ryo nishikido (news) + kazunari ninomiya (arashi) + matsuda shota + matsuda ryuhei + kaname jun + yamapi (news)+ tatsuya fujiwara + mizushima hiro + tsubasa imai (t&t) + wakaba ryuuya + hiraoka yuuta + tsukamoto takashi + tamayama tetsuji + yonemura daijiro & yodogawa yoshihiro (question?) + arioka daiki & yamada ryousuke (hey!say!) + ohkura tadayoshi (k8) + nakamaru yuichi (kat-tun) + oshinari shugo + tamaki hiroshi + mukai osamu + koide keisuke + miura haruma + seto koji + nakayama yuma + inohara yoshihiko (v6) +
++++ vanness wu (f4) + edison chen + jay chou + kenny kwan (boyz) + daniel wu + stephen fung + ananda everingham + golf + ray macdonald +
+++++ john lloyd cruz + jc de vera + enchong dee + hideaki torio +
LOVE THE MUSIC OF...
+ the corrs + sarah mclachlan + shawn colvin + michelle branch + selena + mariah carey + lee sooyoung + jewel + aaliyah + craig david + jason mraz + josh groban + boa + dbsk + lene marlin + frou frou + enya + leann rimes + big bang + sung sikyung + sg wannabe + se7en + epik high + clazziquai + loveholic + sugababes + all saints + lara fabian + gregorian chant + vonda shepard + foofighters + green day + rachael lampa + bosson + linda ronstadt + the cranberries + the cardigans + india arie + seal + george michael + lighthouse family + sting + garbage + dc talk + duncan sheik + coldplay + jars of clay + blur + third eye blind + john mayer + fiona apple + spice girls + kelly clarkson + utada hikaru + 'd sound + jim croce + david foster + eric clapton + boyz 2 men + babyface + alison krauss + richard marx + the company + jose mari chan + martine mccutcheon + kathy troccoli + jj lin + dream + honeyz + foj + darius + maksim + aaa + haley bennett + perfume + teddy geiger + yui + shimizu shota + kato miliyah + jyongri + coraline soundtrack +
BEAUTIES
+ nicole kidman + charlize theron + sandra bullock + anne hathaway + alexis bledel + evan rachel wood + amanda bynes + alexa vega + rachel mcadams + uma thurman + leelee sobieski + eliza dushku + emily browning + emma watson + dakota fanning + annasophia robb + alicia morton + kate maberly + mia maestro + jennifer connelly + paz vega + emmanuelle chriqui + hilary duff + marisa tomei + helena bonham carter + amber tamblyn + julia stiles + meredith bishop + thora birch + jessica alba + kristin kreuk + sara paxton + monica keena + katie holmes + marley shelton + camilla bell + angelina jolie + milla jovovich + amanda seyfried +
++ choi jiwoo + song hyegyo + jeon jihyun + son yehjin + goo hyejin + park shinhye + go ara + han jimin + lee yeonhee + bae seulgi (the reds) + ayumi (sugar) + song jihyo + yoon eunhye (baby vox) + han chaeyoung + kim taehee + han jihye + park bom + park heebon (milk) + kim bomi (milk) + chaeyeon + nam sangmi + cats + kara + lina and sunday (csjh) + sunye (wg) + kim ah-jung + uhm hyunkyung + yoo hyunyoung + choi sooyoung + han gain + kim junghwa + go eunah + goo hyesun + jung ryeowon (chakra) + kang junghwa + so yihyun + jo jungrin + kim ok-bin + eunseong + min seohyeon +
+++ nakashima mika + aoi miyazaki + horikita maki + toda erika + aragaki yui + shida mirai + uno misako + ueto aya + ueno juri + kashii yu + ito misaki + maya miki + ayase haruka + karina + narumi riko + kato rosa + naka riisa + esumi makiko + ito yuna + mimura + leah dizon + kiritani mirei + aoi yu +
++++ twins + miriam yeung + angelica lee + jolin tsai + rainie yang + niki chow + race wong + yumiko cheng + isabella leong + joey yung + stephy tang + janice wei vidal + vivian hsu +
+++++ maja salvador + erich gonzales + vaness del moral + jennica garcia +
♥♥♥♥♥
