Come live in my heart and pay no rent ~手越祐也♥♥♥
</head>
<body><script type="text/javascript">
function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) {
if(window.addEventListener) {
window.addEventListener('load',
function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false);
} else {
window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; });
}
}
</script>
<div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div>
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script>
<script type="text/javascript">
gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() {
if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) {
gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({
url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d777455815442720639\x26blogName\x3dmy+refuge...\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://mychocolateobssession.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://mychocolateobssession.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-7613429903757928432',
where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"),
id: "navbar-iframe"
});
}
});
</script>
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
rabu letter
and since i was bored again, i stumbled upon this post (which NEWS member wrote you a love letter and what did he say?) and thought it would be fun to give it a try. i love this, haha~ (okay, for a minute i'll pretend as if this was really true) *opens letter* (notes that stationery has pink hearts printed on the edges and smells like lavender) XP
~~~~~~~~~~~~ To: Ayumi-chan
You're probably shocked at suddenly getting delivered a letter like this, huh. The truth is, since the first day we met there's always been feelings I've wanted to express to you, so I'm going to just write this at the top of my voice! The first time I met Ayumi-chan was at Tokyo Dome, do you still remember? You saw me worrying about my celphone having fallen down somewhere and helped me to look for it, I was really happy. At that time, I was so nervous I couldn't say anything but a curt thank you, but from that time onwards I became interested in Ayumi-chan... I know Ayumi-chan likes Katou Shigeaki because I was told by Kusano Hironori, but I had to express my feelings no matter what... Though I'm this kind of person...I want you to go out with me! That may be an impossible request, but I'll do my best and become more and more charming. At 6pm on the 1st of March I'll be waiting for you at the park, so I'd like to hear your reply.
From: Tegoshi Yuuya ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
kyaaaaaaaa~ LOL
actually i kind of cheated, i went through all my possible names, and had 3 attempts until i finally got tegoshi...honestly, the various letters we're individually amusing, they're all likeable~ with nadem i got kei (who was jealous of shige and tegoshi) - kinda demanding but cute with nadz i got ryo - persistent (4th attempt XD) with nads i got kusano - w/c was kind of passive/accepting and a bit sad ...then i got shige...shige again...yamapi...ryo...uchi... but never massu...maa~ *shrugs*
手越祐也の彼女@2:43 AM
Monday, February 25, 2008
well hello there, ero oji XD
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~
ASDFGHKJLJSFAFJHJKLK
*nosebleed*
...with these kinds of photoshoots *dies* i think it's pretty obvious he's trying to say: 'hey look, i'm all grown-up now. you can pounce on me. heck, i'll even strip/pole-dance for you if you want' XD
(is he trying to tell me that it's not really that bad to be thinking dirty thoughts about him coz he's all rapeable now? nyahaha~)
but WHYYYYYYYYYY? why must you be this way? tormenting me. you know i'm defenseless when it comes to you. where's that innocent kid i used to love? where did you hide him? bring him baaaaaaack. -_-
---edit---
OMG. just hours after this post, someone over at lj translated the lyrics that tego wrote (as revealed by ryo on hey3x). koyama mentioned this on one of their mag interviews, how tegoshi was red in embarrassment when ryo started reciting the lyrics (complete with emotions) tegoshi didn't want to show them. NOW I KNOW WHY. LMAO~ seriously, i'm having the shock of my life. tegoshi, what the hell is happening to you???
i haven't even gotten over the hentainess of the 'bambina' lyrics, and then tegoshi comes up with THIS. -_- all those previous ero songs ('chirarizumu', 'ai no matador', and the latest one 'bambina') has gone to tegoshi's head, corrupting his mind and made him more perverted. damn songwriters, now my innocent tegoshi has been sent to the grave. *cries*
and just to show you just how pervy the ero-oji has gotten: (credits to randomaya@lj for the translations)
In a dark bar, me and you, In a little drunken way you say "Hey, do you have anything to go to after this?" In front of you like that, I am one dog Please give me your smile (in a fake way)
If you really want it, I'll give you my all Your body temperature feels kind of good I want to be wrapped in it from now on But in exchange for that, please cool down my hot parts
~~~~~~~~~
*incoherent*
*nosebleed*
*dies*
oh yay.
手越祐也の彼女@9:07 PM
an end to a dam of procrastinating
a summary, just like all my other previous post prior to days (even weeks) of not hearing from me. again, as a warning, this is gonna be long. there just isn't any other way around it XP (don't expect an organized post from me. ever.)
i was thinking of naming one of gwen's kittens after tegonyan since i have too many name ideas for puppies not for kittens :P some of it are ryo-chan, bada, mocca but i don't think i'll be having any soon, unless one of my aunt's dachshund gets pregnant again, and even that is not assurance. back to the kittens, gwen has once again evacuated all of them on the roof. selfish cat. -_-
yeah. i told you before how i dreamed of yuya again, right? it was one of those dreams where i was looking for a toilet bcoz in reality i really had to use the toilet LOL i didn't write a fic out of it in the end. i guess it felt like too much of a hassle XD but i'll tell it anyways:
i was having an exam that day, and conveniently woke up late for it. so i was rushing to the classroom, being half an hour late. good thing, the teacher couldn't afford make-up tests coz she was going away on leave after that so she agreed to let me take the test. naturally, the others finished up before me, and soon i was left alone in the classroom. after i passed the paper, i headed for the toilet to freshen up, but found out that the toilet in that building was under repair. so i had to go the the next building. on my way, who do i see walking towards me? it's yuya~ i panicked inside, maybe bcoz i've had this silly crush on him for months, but didn't dare show it bcoz it's a little embarrassing for a sempai like me to be liking a kouhai who is 4 years younger!!!
i debated with myself. should i continue walking? or should i turn around and bolt? but then if i did that it would seem weird, and i don't want him to suspect anything. i mean we're not really friends. we pass each other in the hallways and raise an eyebrow in acknowledging the other (well maybe with a small smile too) but that was just about it. plus, most of the time i'm with the company of friends so it wasn't that awkward. but this time i was alone, and i'm afraid that in my nervousness he'd see through me. but it was too late to do anything now. yuya was just a few feet away. i told myself i can do it, i'm strong. think like a sempai and just greet him the way i usually do.
so when we were close enough, i took a deep breath, finally looked at him and smiled. he looked surprised, and stopped momentarily. while i was feeling like whacking myself. what the hell? that smile was too bright! cringe. i wanted to get away fast and started to quicken my pace. but then i heard him call from behind.
sempai...
what now??? of course i had no choice but to turn around.
your smile just now. it's. *pause* you should smile like that more.
kyaaaaaa~ i wish it were true...
lately i've been ditching my prof a lot. i'm at the point where i feel like i'm not going anywhere. i'm starting to feel tired and weary. the thought of going to school just makes me sick, literally. that's how much i detest it. but i know i really have no other choice. i have to go through the whole hellish process -_- and get this, i actually had a bad dream about dr. diez. he was telling me i won't make it!!! *cries*
taiyou no namida perf on MS. wet NEWS!!! except for ryo (unfair!!! i want him soaked!!!) haha~ and i take back what i said about his new hair. i like it after all, it suits him somehow, made him look younger (and less dangerous? XD)
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY KAME!!! (feb 22)
kei-chan's episode in loss:time:life is TT_TT i hope it gets subbed soon. i love it that he had to dye his hair black for this coz he really looks good. looking forward to his butai too :D
and i finally got hold of the full versions of the taiyou no namida single's songs!!! yay~
taiyou no namida perf on hi!hey!say! (without ryo and pi) but *flails* it's one of my fave perfs! tegoshi looks so good/hot!!! i love his hair, his outfit, his flawless skin, his dancing, his voice *dies* see??? *dies again* the other day i managed to lock myself out of the house while i was going to feed the dog. and all my keys were inside, and i've got rice cooking on the stove T.T it was crazy, drizzling and all and there i was desperately thinking of a way in. in the end i had to go outside the compound and ask for duplicate keys. but when i tried to open the door, the key broke in two. IT BROKE!!! LOL my situation just got worse.
read a fic about yakuza k8/NEWS/kat-tun the other day. sugoi!!! i really love it! i almost cried when they got to the part where they realized that uchi was dead. and i was so happy when most of the k8 guys (dubbed kansai) went and reconciled w/ NEWS/kat-tun (dubbed kantou). and relieved that lawyer katou (shige) was not killed in the fic :D
taiyou no namida ringtones are the cutest things!!! i LOLed at what shige and massu were saying.
suju had their first ever major concert! finally. i'm so glad for them. it was really about time they did it. popularity rising. though i haven't seen it yet *bad fan*
tegoshi's ero lyrics revealed on hey!3x *accck* look at how embarrassed he was XD (love this pic. rawr~) and he has the nerve to ask for a title in the end ROFL~
and that vid of nakamaru beatboxing/singing to real face while riding a rollercoaster LMFAO!!! maru just kills me every time XD
手越祐也の彼女@8:52 PM
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
more yang, less yin, please
this day could've been tolerable, nice even. i woke from another tegoshi dream. my 6th one since i started in the fandom, and that's more than other people could've hoped for, so i have stopped complaining months ago. but then i dunno why i was having allergy attacks again. i mean i was feeling a bit shitty when i got up from bed (understandable since i barely have enough sleep nowadays), but it got worse when i sat down in front of the pc. i'm assuming the cat once again slept on the keyboard last night. hence my sneezing spells and the feeling like my nose has grown as big as nakamaru's. of course there's still the fact that i'm starving more and more as days pass by.
i had been feeling a bit annoyed last night since it has come to a point where there is nothing to eat around here. nothing in the cupboards. nothing in the fridge (except water). nothing. not only that, there's no more shampoo too! so not only was i getting irate from being underfed, but my hair felt stiff and unruly from using liquid soap in lieu of shampoo. for a minute i almost fooled myself into thinking i was using that johnson's baby top-to-toe wash, but went sour again when i felt dry hair in my fingers, GRRRRRR. these things, although they might not bother other people, really piss me off. bcoz i am me, and i tend to stress over things more. like shige does. and that's why i think we could've been twins in the past life.
well, i have almost resigned myself to cooking veggies for dinner. i had thought that the contents of that white plastic bag were stringbeans from the farm back at the orphanage (or it could've also been okra), but lo and behold! i opened it and saw noodles! lots of it. yippee! i have never been this happy to see noodles in my life!!! it's better than stringbeans imo :P so yeah, i have been living off noodles for two days now. and don't start asking me why i'm putting up with it when i could just go to the grocery store. i don't want to. i don't want to go to the grocery store. i'm too comfortable at home that the thought of traveling almost an hour to go to the mall and buy stuff is too distasteful. and i don't like the nearby combinis either. i think i'm too picky. or just plain lazy LOL so i put up with it.
i wish my parents would come home soon. they said they'd be home on monday but i found myself still home alone. i never thought i'd ever say that. only bcoz they usually deal with the grocery-shopping on their way home, w/c saves me a whole lot of trouble. but now that they're a little overdue, i'm starting to feel a little bit neglected. did they forget about me already? hehe. and then all of a sudden my dad shows up at the doorstep, alone. and i get the nerves. my dad has that effect on me. even now when i'm grown up enough to think that he won't eat me alive, i'm still cautious around him. i guess when you have lived with the feeling all your life it just doesn't disappear completely. of course now i am less scared, knowing that i always have an option to run. haha, i make it sound like my dad's a monster or something. he isn't :P he even gave me vaporub since i've been sneezing non-stop. damn cat. i should have owned an imaginary own like my twin shige (ooh, we're twins as of today XD) and his invisible cat wagahai.
still reading fics. my tastes have evolved as i have read more and more along the way. all shapes, sizes, and writing styles, all topics from pre-war era, to fairytale and gravity-defying crack. they keep me amused, entertained, and inspire me to improve myself.
i just had to say my piece about the edison chen sex scandal. i thought something inside me died. it was sad when you see and read degrading stuff like that about idols you once admired, loved even. and what's sadder is that gillian (of twins) was even involved in it TT_TT i mean it's not even THAT bad. but the only mistake they made was being stupid enough (at least on edison's part) not to keep it private. damn those ppl from the computer company who we're responsible for stealing pictures from edison's laptop. it's normal i guess for two ppl to have an intimate relationship. heck, they're just humans after all. but i can never get why some ppl would like their pictures taken while they're doing it. i mean i totally don't see what satisfaction they possibly get from it, and what reason they have for doing such. it's sad. i know edison was a bit of a bad boy, but gillian. i'll never look at her the same way again. but i still love twins. i hope ppl don't beat them up too much bcoz of what happened. it's not as if anybody wanted it to happen. it's just that life's a bitch sometimes.
oh and now i'll blab about miscellaneous stuff (one-liners). it's something i often do :P - that old clip of ryo fanboying over leah, nyahaha~ WIN!!! - ryo fanboying over orlando bloom O_O - clips of jin and maru screaming like girls XD - vid of KAT-TUN performing 'gold' ballad version and jin pulling off a whistle-ala-mariah carey (told you jin's a GIRL) - kim hyunjoong of SS501, a fan of NEWS (yamapi) and KAT-TUN (ueda)!!! it's nice to know when idols like other idols too :D - jin's VERY ticklish - when maru met nicolas cage LMAO~ this is so hilarious!!! - ueda getting bullied by everyone, even kouhais! (why do i have such affinity to bullied ppl? first shige, now ueda. do i have superhero complex???)
oh and today i have been on blog skin/layout sites again. i am slightly getting tired of my current layout, and sometimes when i'm feeling crazy i just wanted to change into a new one. it's like window shopping for a new wallpaper, or curtain, or bedsheets. i am also going to try my best and get in my thick head the steps in using lj layouts coz i'm tired of my lj layout as well. but it may take a little while before i actually change bcoz for me it would demand a huge amount of time and energy. and i don't have both at the moment.
and i just found out today that this certain person at lj (who writes AMAZING fics. she wrote 'taste of cherry'-ryopi, 'april is the cruelest month'-ryoshige, and 'fever and mirrors'-ryoda w/c i loooove so much!!!) is filipino!!! so it started when she noticed me going through her tegomass fics and then she felt like writing me one (awww~ i'm touched) and posted it days ago, w/c i conveniently missed (bcoz it was neither ryotego nor ryoshige *headdesk*). a fic specially made for me (esp coming from her), i feel loved! so now we've friended each other and she promised to write me a ryotego fic! YAYAYAY!!!
so yeah, back to my tegoshi dream. as i have said i felt so happy and dreamy, now i feel like writing another fic again. a het one (AGAIN) this time with tegoshi (duh?) LOL currently working on it. hopefully i'll be able to finish it before i run out of ideas or inspiration. i really like this one, so i hope i'd be able to overcome being a failure at writing for once.
LOL i have strayed too far and now my title doesn't make sense anymore. bah~
手越祐也の彼女@7:01 PM
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
i miss fangirling
since i wrote some pretty heavy things in my previous entry, i wanna lighten up the mood. and what best way to do it than to fangirl (again)!!! LOL but seriously it's almost the sole reason why i'm happy nowadays. NEWS = HAPPINESS. yes, i know some ppl might think it's pathetic and i should get out more and have a real life, but i can't help it. they have taken over my system, so much that when i'm not online i'd be thinking about them 90% of the time. i'm in too deep. crazy, i know!
so, moving on to updates...are you ready? this is gonna be long...and messy XP
i had another tegoshi dream again (that makes it 5 all in all, if i remember it right). and once again it involves chocolates *whee* i dreamt he was giving out chocolates to orphans at a church. i wasn't exactly there for it was just a story related to me by a friend who works there. apparently, tegoshi (with some other ppl, i dunno if there were any other NEWS members with him, unlikely) went there weeks before in a vacation-promotion type of thing and gave stuff to less fortunate children. and he had this big smile while handing out goodies to the children, like he's happy that they were all clamoring to him not bcoz he was an idol (i doubt if the locals even knew he was, haha~) but bcoz of what he has to give. for them he was just another generous person who came all the way from japan to give them stuff. it was a nice feeling, being free from fans who would attack him in drones and groups, just standing there, sharing laughs with everyone and truly enjoying the moment.
i've read some of ryo's entries. and i think it wasn't a good idea after all. there was one when he was talking about the family dog who died, and he felt sad for forgetting it for a while. he regrets forgetting...forgetting about things that were once significant in his life, of times when he was so happy. and in the end he was crying coz he suddenly just missed chibi (the dog, god rest his soul) and went over to the altar his father made in chibi's memory (i think he has a great dad, hehe. i think he has a great family, unlike tegoshi's weird family *get's shot by tegoshi's grandma* XD)
then as if i'm not suffering as it is, it's as if my mind has no control of my body as it keeps on exposing itself to more ryo-related stuff (like videos, mag translations, more entries, pictures!!!) i swear i am so dead right now. yappari, i really should stop doing this. it's not helping me in any way. plus, marga's telling me to stay away from 'her ryo-chan' XD
but can i do it? it seems like the more i avoid it, the more it stares me right in the face. and having RyoTego as my OTP makes it harder. and i find myself not just wanting tegoshi to pine on him, but i myself am doing it too! *dead*
i have reason to believe that ryo is evil and he has bewitched me using a really powerful spell XD OMG, this post is totally screaming 'I LOVE RYO'...NO NO NO! i must resist, must resist...think of tegoshi, think of how much you love him, of how cute he is, of the million reasons why he's your ichiban.
a sleeping tegoshi pic, by the way :P dammit, how can he look so cute even in this state? HOW? and the lipssssssss O_O i wonder if ryo-tan didn't feel like kissing him...kyaaaaaa~
but i totally ROFLed when i saw ryo at the march issue of winkup...WTF is up with his hair??? i can't look at the pics too long or i would just break into giggles. curls don't suit him, yo~ and his hair in 'isshun no kaze ni nare' doesn't suit him too LOL i beg you ryo, go get a haircut asap. bring back the sexy osaka man! god knows i don't need more hair-disasters right now. as much as i am so into you, you are not tegoshi, and my tolerance still has a limit. it only amazingly stretches for i don't know how long ONLY when it comes to tegoshi XD
imo, he looks his best in this...short, black, simple. RAWR~ (heehee, he looks like he's gonna kiss someone in this pic)
and another one, still from 1LoT *guilty of impulsively making caps of ryo* (wah~ i can never stand seeing him cry T_T i feel like bashing whoever it was responsible for his sorrow...in this case it was erika, well, her role in the drama that is)
and yeah, a NEWS version of 'taiyou no namida' pv did come out. i love it 10000000x more than the kurosagi movie version. i mean, how can i not? the fact that it's NEWS alone already won me over. plus the pv is my fave of all the pvs they have. all those scenes in the rain (wet NEWS!!! *flails*). for once, tegoshi looks manly (it's the rain yo~) i love the set, the old-looking buliding. everyone looked hot (okay, maybe i was wondering just a little bit why shige looked pissed the whole time :P) and the end is just LMAO~ totally random imo. yamapi-cups' third appearance. amazing how such a thing gets too much attention *i wish i was a styrofor cup* LOL enough talking, i'll just show you pics instead. yes, more pics coz i'm evil like that, bwahaha~ it's ryo's fault, his evilness is contagious XD
fine! just two...i'm not THAT evil after all XP (taiyou no namidaaaaaaaaaaaa~) tegoshi has girly hands ajfhksdgkjlk~ my OT3-ryotegoshige
and speaking of 'taiyou no namida' i just dled ringtones some nights ago. amusing, esp tegoshi's version where he goes 'tegoshi desu! wooooo~' LOL and massu's 'namidaaaaa masudaaaaa~' HAHAHA~ i found the results of the 'CDTV most wanted lover' hilarious. well, it's not that it's a joke (jin won, by the way *omedetou, bakanishi!*) but the fact that massu beat ryo is!!! and massu didn't even do any sexy photoshoots yet! i can just imagine ryo saying 'NANDE OMAE?!' just like that time when he found out shige got more fanmails than him LOL his ego must be deflated a bit, just a bit :P
oh, NEWS has another ero song - 'bambina'. this time with more jaw-dropping lyrics. it's like a sequel to 'ai no matador' and no, i refuse to post the lyrics XP and if that didn't kill me just yet, tegoshi's voice did! gawd, it's too slutty, it would lead you to imagine 'love scenes' in your head *acck*i swear this single is just too different from the previous ones. it's actually the first one where we see a new mature image from NEWS, like they're targeting the older fans this time. but surprisingly they've been getting a lot more of very young fans (as young as 11 LMAO~) ne, i think they should be careful, they have a lot of minors listening to their music, haha~
and i think by now everyone has seen pi's controversial nude AnAn pics. they're good and all, but i'm disappointed. i was kinda hoping that pi won't resort to going that far. it's like he's trying too hard to be liked, it comes out cheap sometimes. i mean there's a limit on how much you're willing to do in the name of fanservice, right? you need not compromise your dignity for it. well, that's what i think. and i like him too much, so it kinda hurts to see him this way. but then he says it's just work (and of course i get that) and it's for self-growth (again, i get that) but still, i would've preferred him not doing the shoot. and it's not even bcoz i'm upset that he's with a naked caucasian woman, bcoz i'm not! oh well, the ppl at AnAn reached their goal, ne? sales shot up bcoz of pi. pi's effect on ppl is AMAZING~ maa, i don't wanna stress over it anymore. he's an adult and he already knows what he's doing. i'll keep on supporting him, as what is expected of a fan (even though i don't approve of some of the things he do)
but it's a different case if it's tegoshi. all hell would break loose if ever he decided to follow pi's example!!! i absolutely won't allow it! (as if i really have any power over him) -_-
*sigh* are my views too conservative?
yay~ tegoshi's haircolor is back to dark!!! *prays it stays that way for a while*
i wanna watch kei's episode in 'lost time life'~~~
and food pwns all of the tacchon-related pairings!!! LOL massu has a buta-brother! whee~ they should go on a double-date...massu with gyoza, and tacchon with riceballs, ahaha~
手越祐也の彼女@4:44 AM
emoooooooooo
(this could be pms talking)
went online much later than usual today. spent most of the day keeping house--cleaning, cooking for my pets, doing the laundry, ironing clothes (w/c i still have to finish), washing the dishes...even though i'm lousy at it. it's already midmorning and i really ought to be sleeping (esp when i have to go to school again later. i always need to mentally prepare myself for that). in fact i really don't wanna post right now. i didn't have to. but i feel the need to, it's been a while since my last entry. something is telling me to do it. if i didn't, my OC-ness would bug me endlessly and i would end up sleeping waaaaay later even after i had laid in bed, just staring at the darkness, scolding myself. and since i'm too weak, i always end up giving in =_=
it's been--what--3 hours that i've been repeatedly listening to my own voice singing to as one's songs. haha~ here i go again. i sometimes think i'm too full of myself LOL but i really love this duo. currently inlove with 'white love story' (maybe bcoz of 'coffee prince'). anyways, the message is quite touching...i hope i'll be able to feel this way someday:
White Love Story - As One
I didn’t know at first why your gaze, looking at me made me feel so flustered I always wanted to ask if you understood just a little of my feelings although I never told you
Now I know, how you were as lost and wandering as I was How you hurt so much, it kept you from sleep Hold my hand, I won’t let go of you again I love you, as long as I breathe…
Things stood still when you, who’d always treated me coldly, smiled at me that day
Now I know, how you were as lost and wandering as I was How you hurt so much, it kept you from sleep Hold my hand, don’t let go of me I love you, till the day I close my eyes in rest
I won’t cry Now that you’re by my side Thank you… for giving me the gift of you ~~~
(kyaa~ why am i so sappy lately?)
a lot has happened since i last updated. the last time i was preparing for a practical exam. it came and left me not just physically drained, but disappointed as well. in the end i was heading home with this empty feeling. sitting there in the jeep staring blankly ahead while my mind was so full of regret and weariness, not to mention my heart weirdly feels heavy that i felt like crying then and there, if only i was alone, but i wasn't so i held my tears. when i arrived in pit-os i suddenly had the craving for something indulging. so i went to the bakeshop and bought ice cream, eating it in my room. i was feeling selfish and didn't want to share with anybody. i just wanted to drown how shitty i was feeling inside by eating everything from the plastic container. i was full to the point where i felt like throwing up and crying at the same time, just like in the movies where some girl is going through a bad break-up...
yet i still keep coming back. not that i have a choice. the prospect of going to that environment is nauseating and scary every time. and it doesn't help that i feel like i'm not going anywhere, if anything i'm getting worse every other time. if i had my way, i'd never come back. just run away from everything, like i always do. but i have learned that my problems won't go away even if i keep on avoiding it. it just keeps getting more complicated the more i try not to face it. it gets bigger and bigger, taking the form of a horrible monster that comes and torments me in my dreams. i am very tired. i wanna cry. i want it to stop. but it's still going on. i dunno when the nightmares will go away. they won't disappear, not when i keep on running away. i am the biggest coward. i am ashamed of how i handle things. i may seem okay on the outside but i am drowning, miserable. i feel like my life is going to an unknown direction, like any time i'd just crash bcoz i can't see ahead of me.
i'm so sick of avoiding everyone. maybe this is why i like this alternate world i'm living in so much. the world where everything's fine, i'm always happy with all of these ordinary highs, w/c in the real world don't really offer me a solid support whenever things don't turn out the way i want them to be. i'm sick of telling ppl i'm okay, that everything's fine and dandy, that nothing's the matter...bcoz they're all lies, bcoz the truth is i'm scared, scared as hell...
i don't wanna do this anymore. but knowing me, i'll still keep at it, until i feel it drowning me again. such a vicious cycle. i need help, but i don't wanna say it, don't wanna ask for it. just a silent cry of someone who's slowly dying inside TT_TT
random: gwen just had kittens 3 days ago! unfortunately only one of the three is male.
手越祐也の彼女@3:49 AM
Friday, February 15, 2008
the crappiest valentines day ever
(this post was copy-pasted from my lj with only very minor modifications bcoz i'm too lazy to type a whole new post on the same topic) :P ------------
i should've listened to my gut when it was telling me it wasn't up to going anywhere yesterday, i might have saved myself from all the crap. things went downhill when it started raining. just when i decided not to bring an umbrella. perfect! i thought i could maybe, just maybe tolerate rain eversince NEWS' taiyou no namida pv. but i was wrong. not even the thought of hotties in the rain could make me hate rain less. getting caught in the rain is not romantic at all -_-
the dinner date was uneventful. boring even. and here i thought going through all the trouble (of braving the rain, and travelling for almost an hour, wearing heeled-shoes, etc etc) would be worth it. but it wasn't. i mean i could've seen my college friends anytime.
i should've just really stayed at home and finished watching maki's 'deru toko demashou' plus a bunch of dbsk and suju vids. instead i was having a hell of a time waiting for a ride, under the buckets of rain pouring down on me, making my clothes stick to my skin, and shiver from the cold. and worse, i was stuck in a motorbike with a complete stranger sitting so dangerously close. gosh, what a nightmare!!! i feel like i was being punished for ditching my prof earlier...bad karma~
*swears off going out on valentines day again*
to at least happily end this rant...
HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY, KUSANO HIRONORI!!!*fights the urge to pounce on notti* :P come back soon, ne...pi misses you like hell (and i do too!) :D
all those birthday posts are starting to improve my mood...plus i'm watching 'devil beside you' w/c is really entertaining (can't believe it took me this long before i finally decided to watch it) mike-rainie are a funny/cute couple~
手越祐也の彼女@8:29 PM
Welcome
you have stumbled upon my blog~ the chocoholic's refuge
feel free to wander around...
shout-outs are much appreciated :)
and one more thing,
this is my blog
if you don't like what you see
then GET LOST!
why are you here anyways?
>NewS 大好き!!!
>johnny depp
>tegoshi yuya ♥♥♥♥♥
>テゴマス最高!!!
>purple and green
>chocolates, coffee, cheese
>kpop, jpop, cpop, opm classics, oldies
>dramas/series
>horror flicks
>great danes, rottweilers, yorkies, dachshunds, schnauzers
>halloween & christmas
>eeyore & doraemon
>noona songs
>potatoes & buttered toast
>miniatures
>paper & pens
>susan baker tea
>my lola's leche flan
>sleep overs
>ice cream sandwiches
>tumblers & coasters
>pistachios
>purin
>okonomiyaki
>road trips
>picture books
>paisley & velvet
>candied fruits
>old wives' tales
>mang ambo by larry alcala
>pugad baboy by pmjr
>te-no-ma-shi
>jwebs
>RyoTego
>NewS' Never Ending Wonderful Story dvd
>G3-my partners in crime!
Hates
>worms, maggots, caterpillars, etc.
>rainy days and mondays
>math
>cigarette smoke
>fishbones
>frying fish
>household chores
>my sensitive nose -_-
>waiting
>traffic
>two-faced ppl
>spicy food
>clutter
>being pressured
>crappy service
>shopping
>crowded places
>directions
>too much drama
>sad endings
>monthly periods
>backlogging
>chain letters
>exclusivity and all that shit
>backbiters and rumor-mongers
>being binbou -_-
>my full name
>multi-tasking
>arguments
>my brother XP
>delusional fangirls
>unwanted admirers/suitors/textmates (GRRRR!)
>Tegoshi and RyoTego haters
>blondes
>rumors/tabloids
Wishlist
>'MEMOIRS' philippine release
>TegoMass concert dvd
>a Coraline doll
>harry potter and the deathly hallows
>a series of unfortunate events (complete)
>more neil gaiman books
>the adventures of tin-tin
>my own dika
>new celphone
>jenga and twister games
>revel bars!!! *drools*
>body shop's olive oil
>maltese or yorkie
>electronic dictionary
>the nightmare before christmas merchandise
>JE merchandise
>okaneeeeee~
>lose weight overnight
>mole under left eye
>learn how to play violin/cello
>learn how to bake
>bungee jump
>vacation to japan, thailand, korea
>go to a NewS concert
>my own tegoshi yuya XD
>more ryotego fics
>tegoshi singing nino's niji
>watch:
-itteQ-tegoshi eps
-massu's 'musashi'
-pi's 'byakkotai'
-ie ga tooi-news epi
-kei's high school musical
-kei's 'nurse aoi'
-kisarazu cat's eye
-princess d
+ the nightmare before christmas + harry potter + romeo and juliet + city of angels + now and then + moulin rouge + chocolat + from hell + the neverending story + the labyrinth + a walk to remember + the chocolate factory (willy wonka and charlie versions) + the secret garden + snow white: a tale of terror + great expectations + don juan de marco + napoleon dynamite + sleepover + sleepy hollow + centerstage + the sisterhood of the travelling pants + tuck everlasting + what a girl wants + casper + bourne identity + ocean's eleven + mr. bean + the abyss + deep blue sea + ghost ship + titanic + jurassic park (1,2&3) + resident evil (1,2&3) + the land of the dead + the dawn of the dead + ella enchanted + shrek (1,2&3) + face off + con air + the x-files + coach carter + time machine + the land before time + mulan + hocus pocus + interview with a vampire + practical magic + princess diaries + miss congeniality + queen of the damned + romeo must die + the others + thumbelina + ever after + breakfast at tiffany's + gone with the wind + west side story + bridget joneses diary (1&2) + brokedown palace + darkness falls + valentine + the exorcism of emily rose + witches + the count of monte cristo + shakespeare in love + love actually + the man in the iron mask + four weddings and a funeral + the island of dr. moreau + narnia: the lion, the with, and the wardrobe + the cube + the mummy (1&2) + identity + beetlejuice + frequency + phenomenon + the guru + stardust + pursuit of happyness + stardust + coraline + the lake house + the sorcerer's apprentice +
+ the twins effect + the death curse + hero + the house of flying daggers + crouching tiger, hidden dragon + the curse of the golden flower + infernal affairs (1,2&3) + my sassy girl + il mare + the classic + a millionaire's first love + kawi + koma + the uninvited + vacation (dbsk) + 200 pounds beauty + jenny&juno + one missed call (1,2&3) + the phone + the eye + a tale of two sisters + nana + death note1&2 + six + shutter + lovely complex + kanojo to no tadashii asobikata + chinese odyssey + protege de la rose noire + house of fury + spy dad + diva ah-hey + chinese tall story + new police story + 6AM + ab-normal beauty + battle royale + wishing stairs + the red shoes + shissou/dead run + one missed call 2 + attack on the pin-up boys (suju's movie) + cinderella ni naritai + boys love + kurosagi the movie + calling you + L change the world + koizora + crows zero + cyborg girl + tada, kimi wo aishiteru + 4bia/phobia + phobia 2 + coming soon + liar game: the final stage +
BOOKS
+ harry potter (j.k. rowling) + series of unfortunate events (lemony snickett) + stories of eva luna (isabel allende) + daddy long legs (jean webster) + behind the attic wall (sylvia cassedy) + how stella got her groove back (terry mcmillan) + pet sematary (stephen king) + stardust & coraline (neil gaiman) + robert fulghum books + roald dahl + frances hodgson burnett + grimm brothers + hans christian andersen + memeoirs of a teenage amnesia (gabrielle zevin +)
BOOB TUBE
+ csi las vegas + criminal minds + gilmore girls + supernatural + house m.d. + oprah + will and grace + extreme makeover (home edition) + charmed + joan of arcadia + dark angel + tru calling + angel + monk + the pretender + moonlight + i survived a japanese game show +
<3DRAMAS
+ beautiful days + love letter + winter sonata + my name is kim sam soon + my sassy girl chun-hyang + sweet 18 + meteor garden1&2 + dbsk's banjun drama + full house + goong + hana yori dango + bad family + nobuta wo produce + proposal daisakusen + kurosagi + my boss my hero + dragon zakura + hana yori dango2 + 1 litre of tears + 1 litre of tears sp + gachi baka + papa to musume no nanokakan + hanazakari no kimitachi e + himitsu no hanazono + tsubasa no oreta tenshitachi - season 1 + tsubasa no oreta tenshitachi - season 2 + tantei gakuen Q + liar game + shabake + sore wa totsuzen, arashi no you ni + sugata sanshirou + yukan club + deru toko demashou + lost time life (kei's episode) + waraeru koi wa shitakunai + anego + kakure karakuri + car radio ga owareba + last friends + absolute boyfriend + what's up, fox? + binbou danshi + 14 sai no haha + code blue + ryusei no kizuna + atashinchi no danshi + koishite akuma + buzzer beat + guests of room zero (koyama's & shige's episodes) + orthros no inu + you're beautiful + hidarime tantei eye + troubleman + sunao ni narenakute + loss time life + hyoten +
ANIME
+ fushigi yuugi + master of mosquiton + monster rancher + doraemon + fruits basket + trigun + sugar sugar rune + alice academy + cardcaptor sakura + time quest + ranma 1/2 + lovecom + gravitation + black blood brothers + ouran high host club + yamato nadeshiko shichi henge (the wallflower) + howl's moving castle + spirited away + kimi ni todoke +
UNFAITHFUL
+ chad michael murray + vincent kartheiser + jensen ackles + wentworth miller + james franco + sean faris + joseph fiennes + ewan mcgregor + ethan hawke + drew fuller + christopher gorham + channing tatum + liam aiken + topher grace + dhani lennevald + brad renfro + ralph fiennes + nicolas cage + jason statham + hugh jackman + diego luna + adam garcia + david duchovny + enrique iglesias + will estes + colin firth + dougray scott + antonio sabato jr. + alex o'loughlin + luke grimes +
++ jang woohyuk (h.o.t.) + micky yoochun (dbsk) + kim junghoon + jo insung + lee sangwoo + lee junki + kim jihoon + im joohwan + brian joo (ftts) + tablo (epik high) + t.o.p. (big bang) + attack (trax) + jin taehwa (battle) + kim dongwan (shinhwa) + park jinwoo + kim hyeseong + hyunbin + jang geunseok + wonbin (f.t island) + jung yonghwa (cnblue)
+++ tegoshi yuya + shun oguri + hongo kanata + news + kenichi matsuyama + ryo nishikido (news) + kazunari ninomiya (arashi) + matsuda shota + matsuda ryuhei + kaname jun + yamapi (news)+ tatsuya fujiwara + mizushima hiro + tsubasa imai (t&t) + wakaba ryuuya + hiraoka yuuta + tsukamoto takashi + tamayama tetsuji + yonemura daijiro & yodogawa yoshihiro (question?) + arioka daiki & yamada ryousuke (hey!say!) + ohkura tadayoshi (k8) + nakamaru yuichi (kat-tun) + oshinari shugo + tamaki hiroshi + mukai osamu + koide keisuke + miura haruma + seto koji + nakayama yuma + inohara yoshihiko (v6) +
++++ vanness wu (f4) + edison chen + jay chou + kenny kwan (boyz) + daniel wu + stephen fung + ananda everingham + golf + ray macdonald +
+++++ john lloyd cruz + jc de vera + enchong dee + hideaki torio +
LOVE THE MUSIC OF...
+ the corrs + sarah mclachlan + shawn colvin + michelle branch + selena + mariah carey + lee sooyoung + jewel + aaliyah + craig david + jason mraz + josh groban + boa + dbsk + lene marlin + frou frou + enya + leann rimes + big bang + sung sikyung + sg wannabe + se7en + epik high + clazziquai + loveholic + sugababes + all saints + lara fabian + gregorian chant + vonda shepard + foofighters + green day + rachael lampa + bosson + linda ronstadt + the cranberries + the cardigans + india arie + seal + george michael + lighthouse family + sting + garbage + dc talk + duncan sheik + coldplay + jars of clay + blur + third eye blind + john mayer + fiona apple + spice girls + kelly clarkson + utada hikaru + 'd sound + jim croce + david foster + eric clapton + boyz 2 men + babyface + alison krauss + richard marx + the company + jose mari chan + martine mccutcheon + kathy troccoli + jj lin + dream + honeyz + foj + darius + maksim + aaa + haley bennett + perfume + teddy geiger + yui + shimizu shota + kato miliyah + jyongri + coraline soundtrack +
BEAUTIES
+ nicole kidman + charlize theron + sandra bullock + anne hathaway + alexis bledel + evan rachel wood + amanda bynes + alexa vega + rachel mcadams + uma thurman + leelee sobieski + eliza dushku + emily browning + emma watson + dakota fanning + annasophia robb + alicia morton + kate maberly + mia maestro + jennifer connelly + paz vega + emmanuelle chriqui + hilary duff + marisa tomei + helena bonham carter + amber tamblyn + julia stiles + meredith bishop + thora birch + jessica alba + kristin kreuk + sara paxton + monica keena + katie holmes + marley shelton + camilla bell + angelina jolie + milla jovovich + amanda seyfried +
++ choi jiwoo + song hyegyo + jeon jihyun + son yehjin + goo hyejin + park shinhye + go ara + han jimin + lee yeonhee + bae seulgi (the reds) + ayumi (sugar) + song jihyo + yoon eunhye (baby vox) + han chaeyoung + kim taehee + han jihye + park bom + park heebon (milk) + kim bomi (milk) + chaeyeon + nam sangmi + cats + kara + lina and sunday (csjh) + sunye (wg) + kim ah-jung + uhm hyunkyung + yoo hyunyoung + choi sooyoung + han gain + kim junghwa + go eunah + goo hyesun + jung ryeowon (chakra) + kang junghwa + so yihyun + jo jungrin + kim ok-bin + eunseong + min seohyeon +
+++ nakashima mika + aoi miyazaki + horikita maki + toda erika + aragaki yui + shida mirai + uno misako + ueto aya + ueno juri + kashii yu + ito misaki + maya miki + ayase haruka + karina + narumi riko + kato rosa + naka riisa + esumi makiko + ito yuna + mimura + leah dizon + kiritani mirei + aoi yu +
++++ twins + miriam yeung + angelica lee + jolin tsai + rainie yang + niki chow + race wong + yumiko cheng + isabella leong + joey yung + stephy tang + janice wei vidal + vivian hsu +
+++++ maja salvador + erich gonzales + vaness del moral + jennica garcia +
(love this pic. rawr~)
(heehee, he looks like he's gonna kiss someone in this pic)
(wah~ i can never stand seeing him cry T_T i feel like bashing whoever it was responsible for his sorrow...in this case it was erika, well, her role in the drama that is)
♥♥♥♥♥
